What am I like? Is that what you mean?
Let me back up before I answer.
My husband was griping at me tonight (at least in my delusions) because we couldn’t carry on a conversation for any length of time tonight. Even made the comment that he can have better conversations with my oldest daughter than with me. It’s really just the way we are. Neither of us is horribly outgoing or social or willing to share hobbies. Even raising the kids, we don’t do much together – heck he’s just now letting me start driving my kids around again after my last hospitalization.
All the other relationships I’ve ever been in besides this one were with men that really wanted to tell stories. I love following a good story. I love learning things from someone else, just hanging out. Watching my partner fixes a cuckoo clock or a computer. Maybe one day I’ll learn to dance, or at least get to stand on the feet of the man who leads and dares to try to get me to follow. I just want to listen, and have someone want to listen back about my mysticism and creative ‘delusions.’
Circling back around, the first thing people tend to pick up on with me is I’m quiet. I’ll laugh a lot, and listen like a champ (although in this state I’ve developed a sensory processing disorder, and loose whole parts of conversations) – but I’m also working on being more present. Being AWAKE to consciousness presents many challenges. There are traps in the Seven Valleys. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Seven_Valleys
the worst challenge of mysticism (at least for me) is that it is very hard to pay attention to anything from cleaning, my kids’ conversations (even when I’m actively involved), reading or taking the dog for a walk and being mindful of the cars.
it literally feels like I’m floating halfway to Mars with my feet chained to the Earth all of the time, and when the ego’s four dimensional reality dissolves into sand, and all that remains is breathing and heartbeat, nothing more could possibly exist in that moment. i’ve come to call that state blissing out.
people like to sit beside me when I’m in the doctor’s waiting room (or at the intersection) when I’m in this state. Sometimes grocery trips in this state end up working like clockwork, everything perfectly in tune. It nearly always feels like I’m in control of the video game I’m in at this level though.”
Today has been a bliss out day. I blissed out at my oldest’s psychiatrist, I blissed out at my son’s trip to the pharmacy and then I blissed out at my youngest’s violin lesson…
Other than that, it’s hard to say how I am. I generally keep my cool, and practice all the human virtues. I consider myself to be an interfaith mystic / student / have a library card to all major religions. Highly creative, connected to God. I like to go visit the cemetery (this is new). Love these YouTube channels: Veritas Publishing, Darcie French, Simply Always Awake, ZDoggMD, Suzanne Non-Duality.
This post has reminded me about “Seven Valleys.” It’s a quick read and I had convinced myself I’d already been through all the valleys when I read it the first time, but I think I’ll reread it awakened (if I can find it).