The conversations in my head are strong today. I’ve been talking in my head with various “bosses” that aren’t really there. For instance, one just said, “She’s going to make me a million dollars.” Sometimes I hear Dustin call me bad names. And just now a “What about me?” who was Elon (I know, stupid, right?).
I just got this, “Groceries, Shauna? Is that really all this is about for you?” Elon referencing the grocery game, I guess. Our Walmart is going through major renovations. To be a smart-grocery-store?
The last 48 hours have been particularly SchizoAffective-y. More and more voices, and delusions (I can’t even count).
Anyway, I recorded my last therapy session with Clue.ly, and it helped me rephrase the things I was trying to communicate that my therapist wasn’t understanding. And it also just sent over an executive summary!!
Medication Management Discussion
- Shauna described ongoing delusions involving buildings appearing to change size
- Recent medication adjustments discussed: psychiatrist initially reduced Clozaril from 150mg to 100mg, then reversed the decision (even though I was doing fine at 100mg)
- Shauna expressed that Clozaril is effective but too sedating, impacting daily functioning
- Considered increasing Abilify dose, based on peer experiences from recovery group (DBSA).
- Explored timing and dosing strategies to minimize sedation and improve alertness
Collaboration and Monitoring
- Shauna and therapist discussed how to safely monitor symptoms if Clozaril dose is reduced to 125mg
- Therapist suggested regular check-ins and communication with psychiatrist’s office, possibly through the nurse or PA
- Plan proposed for therapist to provide weekly feedback on Shauna’s delusions to psychiatrist
- Emphasis on the need for honest reporting and collaboration between Shauna, therapist, and psychiatrist
Delusions and Symbolism
- Buildings, especially the United Founders Tower, serve as markers for Shauna’s mental state
- Changes in building perception may reflect shifts in mood, self-esteem, or progress
- Therapist explored the meaning behind these visual experiences, linking them to feelings of grandiosity or groundedness
- Shauna described the psychiatrist’s office as a “saving point,” similar to a checkpoint in a video game, providing a sense of security and progress
Medication Adherence and Challenges
- Shauna acknowledged past struggles with medication adherence, especially when feeling productive or excited about work
- Discussed use of an app for daily medication check-ins, but noted lack of follow-up from provider’s office
- Therapist highlighted the importance of external monitoring to prevent relapse or hospitalization
Next Steps and Reflections
- Agreed to monitor symptoms closely over the next two weeks, with possible dose reduction to 125mg Clozaril
- Therapist to provide weekly updates to psychiatrist if dose is lowered
- Noted that recent experiences with building perceptions seem less distressing, possibly indicating progress
- Shauna expressed desire to remain functional and manage delusions with support, rather than increasing sedation
I am SO high right now 24/7. I hate it. And my delusions and audio hallucinations have increased since taking more.